My journey and lessons with writing Personal Statements

Daniel Mutia
9 min readAug 11, 2023

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On my graduation day from MSc Energy Systems at the University of Oxford.

Introduction

Personal statements are required when applying for most university programs and scholarships. Their structure and length vary from application to application; therefore, it is important to first read the requirements from the program you are applying for before you begin writing. Some programs want you to write a continuous personal statement, while others want you to answer specific short questions. However, whichever the structure or length a particular program requires, the objective of a personal statement remains the same: to introduce yourself and to show that you are a perfect fit for the program and that the program is a perfect fit for you.

I will share my experience and learnings of writing personal statements in this article. Congratulations if you found the article! — that means you are taking deliberate steps to give yourself a better chance of achieving your goal. I believe the article will give you confidence and great insights as you begin applying for that program you have been thinking about. It is important to note that most of my experience with writing successful personal statements has been with UK institutions. But I believe that the lessons learned are relevant to any application anywhere as the core of what recruitment officials are looking for in an application remains the same.

My struggles with personal statements

When I began to follow up on my ambition to study abroad, I did not have a lot of support around me, and therefore I had to learn a lot of things the hard way. Here I share with you what I initially struggled with.

1. How to write

The first challenge I faced when I began writing personal statements was the feeling that I had to write personal statements that looked exactly like the ones I saw online. Most of the ones I saw seemed too sophisticated and had complex literature styles. As a student who was primarily interested in science while in high school and who didn’t develop much of a book-reading culture while growing up, I didn’t feel like I could measure up. I felt my English was too basic to write personal statements like those I saw online. So, I decided not to copy the writing style — and to instead write the best way I knew how. The result was receiving five consecutive scholarship application rejections. At this point, I began thinking that the rejections were because my writing style wasn’t as complex as the ones I had seen online. I even began sending my application drafts to my friend Rogers (God bless his kind soul) to help me with rewriting because he was one of the greatest writers I had ever met (I believe that he is still one of the greatest! — after this piece, I will make sure he starts a blog so you all can enjoy his magic!). But later, I discovered that the issue wasn’t my English proficiency — after all, I had scored straight As in English in primary and high school. The main reason for the rejections was what I will talk about next.

2. How to describe experiences

The second challenge I faced was describing my experiences and achievements comprehensively and impactfully without feeling like I was bragging. Growing up, I was taught to be humble. I might have mistaken humility for downplaying my abilities and achievements, so I won’t sound proud. In addition, when it came to the applications, I couldn’t tell what was important to highlight when they told me to describe some of my leadership or community service activities. I focused on the quantity rather than the quality of my experiences. I would mention the activities without painting a picture of the situation (context), the task I had, the actions I took, and the results and outcomes of the actions. Having been raised in a communal setting, I also didn’t like taking credit, so I would always say ‘we’ even for the tasks I undertook alone.

3. To follow up or not follow up

A mistake I probably kept making after my first rejection was allowing my anxiety to get the best of me. So when the recruiters took long to get back to me, I kept bugging them with emails. I am pretty embarrassed now when I see some of the emails I used to send back then. But still, I give myself grace and empathise with the situation I was in. I deeply needed to win these opportunities as I thought of them as a lifeline to achieving my goals in life. But please learn from me — do not send follow-up emails after submitting applications; instead, allow the recruiters to evaluate you and get back at the right time. However, it is okay to send enquiries before submitting your application — most recruiters do not want candidates missing out because they lack information, so they will happily give you the information and advice you need. But once you apply, don’t bombard them with follow-up emails — you could instead focus on what calms you down, whether that is prayer, meditation, gyming, or simply keeping busy.

The journey to getting better at writing personal statements

I have grown tremendously since first facing those challenges and getting the first five consecutive scholarship rejections. At first, I was angry at the system. I felt that it was skewed against people like me who didn’t write complicated English. I felt it was not friendly to people not in programs that would coach them on essay writing and review their essays before submission. But once the anger cooled down, it was time for retrospection. I contacted one of the scholarship program managers who had previously sent me a rejection email and asked, “What can I do to improve my application next time?” They responded, “Make sure you describe your activities/experiences comprehensively”. I didn’t know what this meant, but I had a sense of direction for the first time. For the first time, I knew what I had to improve on. And this was surely within my control. So I spend a lot of time at free WiFi spots watching countless YouTube videos on “ describing activities/experiences comprehensively.”

The effort was not in vain. After improving how I described my experiences, a lot of things changed. I won a MasterCard Foundation Scholarship to study Engineering at the University of Edinburgh. Around the same time, I became a highly commended Runner Up of the Queen’s Young Leaders Program. I have gone on to have many other successes with university and scholarship applications, including winning the Rhodes scholarship and winning spots at some of the most competitive courses at the University of Oxford, including MSc Energy Systems, Master of Public Policy (MPP), Master of Business Administration (MBA) and Doctor of Philosophy (DPhil). I will therefore share with you what I have learned along the way. I will answer two main questions, first, what the personal statement is about and second, how you should describe your experiences and activities.

What a personal statement is about

The personal statement is your chance to show the recruiter that you are a perfect fit for the program and that the program is an ideal fit for you. There are a couple of questions you must ensure that you answer well.

1. Who are you, and why do you think you are a perfect fit for the program?

In answering this question, it is essential to understand what the program is about and the profile of candidates it wants. Then, from your experiences, you can choose the best-fit experience(s) for demonstrating that you have the required background and skills to succeed in the program. What you can talk about here is expansive — it could include some relevant classes you have taken, some relevant student societies you’ve engaged in, some work experience you have undertaken, or a start-up you have founded. This is your chance to demonstrate that you are the candidate they seek because you have the right educational background, experience and skill set.

2. Why are you applying for the program?

This is a question about your motivation. Having the ability to do the course as you described in (1) is important, but so is showing that you have genuine reasons for doing the course because it is these reasons that will keep you pushing when the program becomes tough, as it surely will. You can answer this question by considering the program as the bridge between getting from where you are to where you want to go. So first, you must reflect on your ambition, the skill gaps you have in achieving your ambition, and how the subjects or experiences from this program will allow you to bridge those gaps. To answer this question well, you need to reflect on your journey so far and where you want to be in five or ten years and show how this program will facilitate your getting there. So alongside studying yourself, you must also study what the course is about.

3. What interests you about the department/university?

There are many candidates who are qualified and have the right motivation — but that ability and motivation can be taken to any of the thousands of universities in the world. So you need to demonstrate why you want to bring your motivation and ability to this particular department/university. In this part, you can’t just talk about general things such as saying, “You are the ‘top university in the world”. You need to dig deeper and talk specifics. For example, you can talk about the research or researchers that interest you at the department, or about how the course delivery is undertaken, or about the student support at the institution and so on. You can also talk about the city where the university is located and some of the experiences you hope to have — this might trigger the recruiters’ nostalgia when they first arrived at the city — and believe me, this will play to your advantage!

How to describe experiences comprehensively

I will talk briefly about how to describe experiences. This applies to both personal statements and interviews. Talking about your experiences is how you show that you have the skills and character required for the program you are applying for. When describing experiences or activities, it is important to remember that the person reading your application doesn’t know you or where you come from. So it is essential to paint them a picture and to answer the ‘so what’ question. An approach I have found helpful is the STAR method. The STAR method is applicable in describing experiences in an application or interview. STAR is an acronym as described below.

  • The S stands for Situation — it is about setting the scene so the recruiter understands the context. For example, if you say you were a part of the Formula Student society, you should explain what the society is about, what its objectives are and what its constitution is.
  • The T stands for Task — here you talk about the task that you took responsibility for completing. For example, you could say that the task was developing the battery system for the Formula Student racing car.
  • The A stands for Action — it is about the actions you personally took to complete the task. It is essential to note that this is not a part to talk about what the group did but about what you did as an individual. This is the more significant chunk of describing an experience as it allows you to highlight skills and character traits developed through the actions. For example, your actions in developing the battery system could have been research, modelling, soldering, testing, report writing, etc.
  • The R stands for Result — it explains the positive outcomes or results generated by your actions or efforts. Here it is crucial to highlight quantifiable results and to emphasise what you learned from the experience. For example, you could talk about your battery’s performance and where your racing car ranked in the competition.

On how to write a personal statement

I have written about this in a previous article here. There is no standard template for writing a personal statement. You should embrace the writing style you are comfortable with and that allows you to tell your story clearly and authentically.

Conclusions

  • A personal statement is not a measure of your literature writing sophistication. It is about clear communication. Write in the way that is most authentic to you.
  • A personal statement is about selling yourself, so don’t shrink your achievements.
  • A personal statement is one of the few places where you get rewarded for being a good ‘bragger’, so please do your best bragging.
  • Make sure you comprehensively describe your experiences. You can use approaches such as the STAR Method.
  • When you submit an application, do not send unnecessary follow-up emails.

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